Stuck doing all the household chores? This practical guide can help

A text message about blueberries a few years ago nearly ended Eve Rodsky's marriage. It came from her husband. He was upset she hadn't picked up any blueberries from the grocery store. And she burst into angry tears.

This was supposed lớn be her afternoon off, recalled Rodsky in her 2019 book, Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much lớn Do (and More Life lớn Live). Instead, she was in her xế hộp, running errands. The idea that she now had lớn pick up blueberries, she said, sent her over the edge.

What Rodsky was experiencing was an unfair division of household labor, which she says made her feel a sense of "seething resentment" toward her husband.

And she's not alone. In many households, one person shoulders the brunt of the chores and childcare – and that's often the woman. In fact, a 2020 Gallup Poll of more phàn nàn 3,000 American heterosexual couples found that women handle the majority of the domestic workload, including doing the laundry, cleaning and cooking. And for many women, the workload has only worsened in the pandemic.

But it doesn't have lớn be this way. Rodsky, an attorney and author, says it's possible lớn divide domestic tasks fairly, which can help reduce stress at home page and give back precious time lớn each thành viên of the household. And it starts with candid conversations about our domestic contributions and a reevaluation of what matters in your home page.

She and Jacqueline Misla, a lifestyle coach and co-host of Curious Fox, a love and relationship podcast, share a practical guide on how lớn divvy up, prioritize and assign chores.

1. List every chore and errand

The first thing you want lớn vì thế, says Rodsky, is list out each and every task required lớn manage the home page. It will help each thành viên of the household understand the full extent of responsibilities – and hopefully encourage them lớn take measures lớn balance the workload.

Set aside an hour or two lớn draw up the list. Do it in a place that's easy for everyone lớn see and access: a shared notes tiện ích, a spreadsheet or a whiteboard, for example. Include essential tasks lượt thích washing dishes or taking the kids lớn school and errands lượt thích grocery shopping or picking up the dry cleaning. Don't forget lớn add tasks that might be less visible, such as coordinating carpools or writing thank you cards. (Rodsky actually developed a resource called Fair Play, a mix of 100 cards printed with various household tasks, lớn help people with this exercise.)

2. Narrow down the list

Once you have those tasks in front of you, discuss each item with your partner or your housemate.

1. Go through the list and note who's been typically responsible for each task. You might be surprised. Your partner, for example, may be doing more chores phàn nàn you expected. Or they might find you've been doing the lion's share of the labor. Seeing the breakdown of the domestic workload can provide you with a starting point for what's working and what might need lớn change.
2. Create a shortlist of essential duties. Prioritize the must-do chores – that includes everyday tasks lượt thích taking out the trash and washing the dishes — and activities that are important lớn your household, says Rodsky, such as date nights or a redecorating project you've been meaning lớn finish.
3. Cut unnecessary tasks. Lighten the workload by removing any chores from the list that don't make sense lớn your household. Maybe you and your partner have been taking the time lớn make the bed every day, when neither one of you really cares about that unless you have company. Or perhaps you and your roommates constantly bicker about whose turn it is lớn deep clean the bathroom. In that case, you might consider pooling your resources together lớn hire a cleaner every few months.
4. Set clear expectations of how and when a task should be done. Go through your pared-down list and come lớn a consensus with your partner or roommate about what each task means in your household. Take mopping the floor for example – should that be done on a weekly or a monthly basis? Would it be OK lớn use something lượt thích a Swiffer, or is a traditional mop and bucket strongly preferred by a thành viên of the household? This exercise can help get everyone on the same page, says Misla, and avert conflict around how chores are executed down the line.

From here, stay flexible. Your list of essential chores are bound lớn change depending on the needs of your household – and that's OK, says Misla. "Give yourself some space lớn let the rules evolve. Check in with each other and say: Is this still working for us? If not, what vì thế we need lớn change?"

3. Assign the tasks

When it comes lớn splitting up the housework, says Misla, "nothing is ever equal. How many dishes done equals laundry folded? How many trips with the kid lớn the dentist equals checkups lớn the car?"

While you may not be able lớn divide the chores 50-50, you can try lớn aim for a workload that feels fair lớn each thành viên of the household. Here are some helpful tips on how lớn assign chores:

• Own the tasks you love. If you have chores and workflows in place that are already working for you and your partner or roommate, don't worry about reassigning them, says Rodsky. Continue doing the tasks that bring you joy, whether it's cooking dinner or folding the laundry while watching Netflix. 

• Share the load on burdensome tasks. No one should have lớn be responsible for one task forever, especially if it's unpleasant. Find a way lớn divvy up the most time-consuming or least-favorite tasks lượt thích nighttime baby care or picking up dog poop in the backyard. That could mean taking turns on the task or agreeing lớn vì thế that chore together.
  

• Consider your housemate or partner's circumstances for the week. Are this week's conference calls completely at odds with your carpool schedule? Does your roommate need a bit of a break because they have friends in town? Does one of you need some extra time this week lớn crank out thank you notes for those housewarming gifts? Set regular check-in times lớn walk through your weekly schedule and reassign chores and duties where necessary, says Rodsky. 

4. Be fully responsible for your duties

Lastly – if you're in charge of a household chore, take full ownership of it, says Rodsky. Don't expect your partner or roommate lớn pick up the slack if you can't complete the task. It's your responsibility lớn trương mục for what you need. Your partner and household are depending on you.

If it's your turn lớn cook dinner, for example, trương mục for the time you will need lớn buy the ingredients, prep and cook. Avoid stealing your partner's time with one-off or last-minute duties they haven't accounted for, lượt thích running lớn the store for a forgotten ingredient or chopping vegetables.

And if it's your partner's turn lớn cook dinner – let them vì thế it! Resist the urge lớn micromanage the way they season meat or the time they take lớn make it. Use your extra time and energy lớn focus on something else — whether it's another task or just relaxing.

When everyone does their part lớn keep the household running smoothly, you can không tính tiền up more time lớn be "consistently interested in your own life," says Rodsky — which is exactly the goal of a balanced domestic workload.

The audio portion of this episode was produced by Michelle Aslam. The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. We'd love lớn hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or tin nhắn us at [email protected].